This blog post is a long time coming. I am sorry about my hiatus, I knew what I was going to post about, but this is going to take some courage on my end.
I feel that this is a relatable topic, and an important topic. Many people who are fading out of their twenties into their thirties…or as my gynecologist described it as, “Shedding our teen bodies, and growing into our adult bodies,” will relate to this, and I want to normalize it. We should not be ashamed.
With 2018 in full swing, many people have the same New Years Resolutions. I have decided to stay away from setting a specific goal from this year, aside from working on my mental health.
Now let’s talk about the elephant in the room. I realize that I have not been nearly as social as I used to be since moving back to Minnesota. Apart of it is definitely my crazy work schedule, but another part of it is that deep down I am a bit ashamed. I currently weigh the most I have ever weighed, and the majority of my clothes do not fit me any longer. Every morning that I do not have to get to work, I stare at my closet, full of beautiful clothes that I cannot wear, because I do not fit into any of them. I know that the pounds will eventually fall off, so I thought I would just wait for it to happen. After a deep conversation with my mom, and several tears later, I have decided that it is time to stop making myself feel this bad. Tomorrow morning I will buy a pair of jeans that actually fit, and some cute tops so that I can feel comfortable going out, like I used to do all the time. If you know me, you know that getting gussied up is one of my favorite past times.
I realize that I owe nobody an apology, and that I do not need to explain myself. And, by the way, I know I am still pretty. I like my face and I actually enjoy my long locks, even if they are a bit unruly at times. But putting on this weight has been eye opening for me. It’s so easy to quickly judge one another, and hey, if you’ve gossiped about my weight gain, man, I’m not surprised. Seriously, how did all these rolls magically appear?! But I know I will never look at rapid weight gain the same way again.
You see, stress is needed for survival. If we did not have stress, we would all stay in bed all day and watch Netflix. However, too much stress, bad stress (there is good stress and bad stress, in case you were unaware), is incredibly awful for your health.
Let’s talk about Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs for a minute.
According to Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs, one must complete the base level of the pyramid to reach the next level. There is no skipping of levels, these are the basic needs us humans need, and they can only be satisfied in this order. This past summer, I could not complete the second level of this pyramid. My life was at risk, and I consistently was looking over my shoulder making sure nobody was going to try to kidnap me or murder me. I realize this sound heinous, and like an overreaction, but it is not. I have seen the Devil himself, and although we all know there is evil in this world, I never knew how gruesome it could get. So it goes without saying that I could not get past the second rung on Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs. Being that stressed out for about three months takes a toll on one’s health.
Although I knew eating healthy was key to helping me feel better, and I stayed on top of it for the most part over summer, it did not keep my body from storing all the fat it could. Basic fight or flight response. The body was in shock and wanted to be prepared for the worse, so it stored all this lovely fat in case I had to run away and needed the extra energy to burn through. Our bodies are pretty gosh darn amazing, aren’t they?! But now I am safe, and the fat stores are still stocked up. So I truly believe that now it is a matter of dealing with these psychological wounds, before my body will release these fat cells. I wish I could scream, “Hey Body!!! We’re safe now! I appreciate you looking out for me. Now let’s get rid of this extra baggage.” Unfortunately, that is not how this works. But I know that with time, I will lose the weight.
So, please be patient with me. And, yes, I am quite aware of these extra crescent rolls I’m carrying. But I am still me. And if you are going through the same thing as me, please do not be ashamed. I am right here with ya.
Be kind to yourself. Love your body. And the rest will work itself out.
Love,
Carolynski Marie
Carolynski Marie 