Hello All,
So last I wrote, I was on my way to a relaxing vacation in North Carolina, and I touched briefly on thinking I might get super anxious with the search for employment. Well, the anxiety hit midway during my vacation. I cut it short, so I could buckle down on those apps.
The job hunt has crescendoed, hopefully towards the grand finale. Before quitting my job, I had several heart to hearts with God/the Universe/Cthulu/[insert your higher being preference here]. I have a lot of faith in God, and we have lots of conversations. He’s a pretty funny being, with so many pots on the stovetop cooking at once. We discussed a timeline, put your notice in on June 1st and sometime in September you will get your new job. Okay God, I can live with that. Apply for jobs and enjoy the summer. That sounds fantastic.
Ha ha ha.
Did I mention God has multiple pots on the stove and has a funny sense of humor???
Just as my anxiety starts spinning out of control over the job hunt and feeling restless with being trapped at home with my laptop and a plethora of dead end interviews with recruiters wanting me to do jobs that have no interest to me at all, God says, “Oh hey Carolynski, did you really think that this is all you were going to be doing this summer? Do you think I would really let you drive yourself insane over this? I know you love chaos and that is how you thrive, so lets level up!” BOOM! Now I’m suddenly in charge of two children under the age of 6 for an indefinite amount of time. And I haven’t even gone kayaking or floating down a river yet this summer!!!
I know, sounds crazy, and I’m still trying to figure out how this is my life. But oh well, can’t argue with what the Universe has in store for you. It has been quite insightful though. Now that I am older and know who I am, thinking about marriage and children is something that I do. And I have found that I have been trying to sell myself a lie. I have frequently told myself that I do not have the patience for children. Turns out that is dead wrong. If I can handle two kids who miss their mom more than the world, and who are going through a cold, I might be able to handle my own children should I choose to have them. But ultimately, I still say that I am fine with my future husband deciding whether or not we have kids. I could totally be a baller, world-traveling, childless wifey…or I could kickass as a mom, and I am fine with whatever the future holds. But it is the future, and the greatest beauty of that is that I don’t have to think about it too much.
So I will just continue listening to my gangsta rap while the kids keep themselves busy at the park for now. As the great philosopher Lil Jon says, “F— this shit, get outta your mind.”
Hopefully by the time I get around to typing up my next post I will have an update on the job front for you (because as much as I want to promise I will start writing once a week, historically that has proven to be nothing more than my optimism).
Pax,
Carolynski Marie
Carolynski Marie 