Hello All!
I know. It has been over a year. I have been insanely busy. You know, that world domination thing I was telling you about. Originally, I wanted to write about my COVID-19 Era Journey and how I have actually found the slowing down of time to be quite healing. But I figure to get to that point, I probably need to address the wound first. And possibly the year 2019, where I forgot to continue writing, because, ya know, world domination.
Let’s start off where we left off. In November 2018 I got a new job, in a new industry, where I could finally have a nice work/life balance. Who knew that such a thing existed? I thrived and grew a ton in the young leaders organization that I belong to. I have also relished in the fact that I finally have time for friends and family.
You could say that 2019 was an excellent year. And judging by my Christmas Card, a perfect year. Until November. November 2019 was strange. I had decorated my apartment for Christmas before Thanksgiving, which is completely out of character for me, and I had ordered my Christmas Cards. Then Thanksgiving happened. It was an excellent holiday. Very happy, everyone seemed to be enjoying everyone’s company. It seemed perfect. A little too perfect. Then the other shoe hit. A week later my Grandfather had a stroke and he left us just before Christmas.
Let me tell you about my Grandfather. His name is Paul. Paul was larger than life, very much like the Legend of Paul Bunyan. He had a warm, large booming voice, that would bring a smile to your face as soon as you heard it. Grandpa worked very hard in life. Not just at his job, but in everything. He always seemed to be fully present in the moment and always gave 100%. He was a great man. Every year, since I can remember, my Grandpa would take my Grandma out garage sale-ing. They would buy hundreds of jackets, all spring and summer, every year, hundreds of jackets. So much so, people started to get to know my grandpa and would set aside jackets for him and wouldn’t charge him or would greatly discount them. Every fall, his large house would seem small; there were nearly a thousand jackets in the halls and in the dining room. They were everywhere. And my grandpa would wash them, and if they needed a new button or if they had a small hole, he would repair them so they looked new. Then he would bring all the jackets to a mission, so people would not have to spend winter in Minnesota freezing without a jacket. This is just one example of my grandfather’s generosity. He frequently organized and made meals for seniors, picked up day-old baked goods and brought them to the food shelf, and spent countless hours being a handyman to anybody who needed help. My grandpa was a Renaissance Man. He was always reading and tinkering. He had vast knowledge about a lot of things. I wish I would have spent more time trying to learn from him. He was always busy, but he also always had time for the people he cared about. It didn’t matter what condition you were in when you went to visit him. You could be sad or scared or just feeling down, but when you left you felt warm, happy, and loved.
When Grandpa left us, we were shocked. I think we all thought we had a few more years left with him. Also, he was an incredibly strong individual, he seemed almost immortal. When Grandpa passed, he left behind his beautiful bride, my Grandmother and namesake, Carolyn. My Grandma, coincidentally, has had the nickname Babe, since she was a child. So it seems like destiny is what partnered my grandparents together. There is no greater iconic duo in the state of Minnesota than Paul and Babe (well, aside from The Twin Cities: St Paul and Minneapolis, but I digress). Grandpa and Grandma loved each other very much. They were always together, and I am just now beginning to see a portion of the iceberg in which Grandpa devoted himself to Grandma. They could make a movie on how great their love for each other was.
I do not know if it is because we have the same name, or if it just boils down to genetics, but my Grandma and I have always had a great relationship. My mom says that when I was a little girl, it was like my grandma and I had our own special language. We could communicate without words. I cannot attest to that. But I know I enjoyed spending time with Grandma. I would ‘help’ Grandma wash dishes in the sink, we would play card games, and sometimes we would just sit silently on the porch watching the hummingbirds and the sky to see if any airplanes passed by.
You see, Grandpa’s passing has been hard on all of us. Not just because of what an amazing person he was, but, because we are now forced to reckon with how far Grandma’s dementia has progressed and how much Grandpa was keeping to himself for the love he bore to his wife.
Grandma is now in a senior apartment, that has assisted living for when things progress. She has left the home that Grandpa designed and built for them to live in for the rest of their lives. That home has always been a sanctuary to me. It is also like walking through a museum, due to all the neat collections my grandfather had.
Because of these things, 2020 has been a very long year. This is where I shall end this post. But do not fret. I have the other stories of 2020 yet to tell. Stories filled with hope and healing.
I hope this find you all well. And I hope that someday we are all able to find a love like the one my grandparents shared.
Love and Peace,
Carolynski Marie
Carolynski Marie 